hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
