Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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