when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
