If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
