It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
