You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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