remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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