I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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