hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
