my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
