my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
