I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
