this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
