you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
