watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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