he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
