Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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