there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
