I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
BRING THE BAGELS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
