id be glad to
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
