You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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