There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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