Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
