he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
