Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
