Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
