she was so not down for the gang bang
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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