All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
from now on my penis is your penis
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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