You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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