if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
