do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
