Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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