mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
