Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
