My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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