in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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