So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
