those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
