PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
