I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
