So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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