I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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