after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
