Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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