Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
