just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
