I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
