I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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