i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
