Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i now understand why vodka
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
