But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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