The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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