so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
